Sexual assault and violence against women: the more we stand up to it, the sooner we get rid of it.
Preventing Sexual AssaultTen things I can do to prevent sexual assault and violence against women
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3) Take an ethical approach to sex
"Ethics" comes from the Greek word "ethos" meaning "character". Ethics is about deciding what is right, with the central question being "What ought I to do?" An ethical approach to sex means asking "what ought I to do?" to ensure that sex is safe, pleasurable and fun for each person. The starting point for answering this question is consent. What is consent? Consent is an agreement between people about what sexually they choose to do together. Consent is a legal requirement of all sexual encounters, whether they be spontaneous, planned, casual or within a long-term relationship. However, consent is more than just a legal requirement. It is the starting point for making sex safe, pleasurable and fun for each person. For sex to be consensual, each person must have
Free and voluntary choice: A free and voluntary choice means a person chooses to do something of their own will. They choose to do it because they want to do it, not because they are forced, pressured or tricked. To make a free and voluntary choice a person must feel:
A free and voluntary choice never involves:
Taking steps to ensure a person is making a free and voluntary choice Ethical sex means taking steps to ensure that each person is making a free and voluntary choice. An effective way of doing this is to focus upon each person’s enjoyment. Questions aimed at finding ways to increase a person’s pleasure often have questions about consent built into them. For example, “Are you enjoying this?” “Would you like me to continue?” Non-verbal cues are also important. Does the other person return your kisses and touches or do they push you away or try to avoid getting closer? If a person does not offer verbal or physical resistance, this should not be taken to mean that they are making a free and voluntary choice. Sometimes a person can “freeze” because they are too frightened or intimidated to show how they are feeling. Where there is a possibility that a person is not making a free and voluntary choice, or you are unsure, the safest and most ethical choice is to stop what you are doing and ask. Where a person says or indicates that they do not want to continue, or is still unclear, then the only choice is to stop. Remember, with free and voluntary choice, “yes” means “yes” and “no” is always an option. Capacity To make a free and voluntary choice, a person must have the capacity. This means they are:
In Australia, it is against the law to have sex with a person who is:
A person’s capacity may not always be clear. For example, if a person is:
In some circumstances, a person who is affected by alcohol or drugs may still be aware and capable of making a free and voluntary choice. In other circumstances, they may not. Similarly, some intellectually disabled people may be capable of free and voluntary sexual choices. Others may not or may not in certain circumstances. In these situations, it is a matter of degrees. Therefore, you need to exercise extra caution when making sexual decisions. Where there is a possibility that a person does not have the capacity, or you are unsure, the safest and most ethical choice is to take a raincheck or not have sex with that person at all. Remember, just because you can doesn’t mean it’s right. Ethical sex: beyond consent Beyond consent, certain ways of thinking can pre-dispose a person towards ethical sex that is safe, pleasurable and fun for each person. These include viewing sex as:
For more information visit www.sexualethics.org.au Making sex safe Safe sex means taking steps to avoid and/or minimise harmful outcomes as a result of sex, such as sexually transmitted diseases or unintended pregnancies. For more information on safe sex choices, visit www.istaysafe.com/istaysafe/default.asp Activity: Indicate Yes or No as to whether the following scenarios are consensual. NB: These scenarios are about consent. They are not about whether a particular behaviour is criminal. Scenario 1: Pete lives in a share house with his mates, Lenny and Todd. Pete’s new girlfriend, Steph, stays over some nights. One night, Lenny and Todd decide to hide in Pete’s room. They think it will be a great laugh to watch Pete’s first attempts at being intimate with his new girlfriend. Consensual: Yes or No? Scenario 2: It’s a great party. Lani is having a fantastic time. Feeling confident and flirtatious, she approaches Andrew, a cute guy she has had her eye on, and invites him to hook up at the end of the night. When Andrew finds Lani later, she is so drunk that she has passed out on a bed. He has sex with her anyway. Consensual: Yes or No? Scenario 3: Lila and Caleb have been having casual sex for several weeks. Lately the sex has been getting more intense and exciting. Caleb suspects that they are both becoming more emotionally involved than they expected. Although the sex is fantastic, he’s not sure he wants a serious relationship right now. Before they have sex the next time, he tells Lila how he feels. Together they make a choice about whether to continue in the sexual relationship. Consensual: Yes or No? Scenario 4: Darryn’s mates tease him for being a virgin. One night at the pub, they charm Tatiana, a young woman they have previously called a slut, into coming onto him. They tell her that Darryn is keen on her and that she should make a move. When Darryn refuses her advances, his mates encourage her to keep touching and stroking him. Meanwhile, they ply both of them with alcohol and ridicule Darryn, calling him “shy” and a “poofta” every time he pushes her away. Eventually, Darryn starts playing along with the joke, touching and stroking Tatiana in return. At the end of the night, Darryn and Tatiana stumble out the door together, very drunk. Darryn’s mates presume that they are off to have sex and celebrate this as a victory for the boys having broken their friend’s resolve. Consensual: Yes or No? Scenario 5: Ahmid’s girlfriend Dahlia has finally agreed to have sex with him. They decide that Friday night is the night. After kissing and petting for a while, they start to remove each other’s clothes. When Ahmid gets to Dahlia’s underwear she says “no” and shakes her head. He keeps going anyway, just to test the waters. Because she doesn’t offer any more resistance, he keeps going. After all, they had an agreement. Eventually, he ends up having intercourse with her, but it’s not very pleasant. Although Dahlia doesn’t stop him, she’s really stiff and seems uncomfortable. Consensual: Yes or No? Scenario 6: Phuong is dancing at a nightclub. He is aware of a young woman dancing near him who seems to be checking him out. She starts to move in and soon, they are dancing together in an incredibly sexy way. Phuong can’t believe his luck, even more so when she leads him into a private corner to make out. It crosses Phuong’s mind that she may have taken a drug that has made her loose her inhibitions, but it’s difficult to tell with all the noise, smoke and music. He leads her to a quieter part of the nightclub with better lighting, so he can check her out. She seems fine. When he asks if she has taken a drug, the young woman laughs and in a clear and lucid voice says, “I can see why you would think that. But no, I haven’t taken anything, but I appreciate you asking. I’m Jess” She gives him another kiss. They return to their private corner and pick up where they left off … Consensual: Yes or No? Sources Carmody and Carrington cited in Neame, A: “Differing perspectives on “preventing” sexual assault”, ACSSA Newsletter No 2 November 2003 Carmody M (2004) “Sexual ethics and the erotics of consent” in Making sense of consent eds Reynolds P, Cowling P, Ashgate, Aldershot, UK pp 45-56 Criminal Justice Sexual Offences Task Force Responding to sexual assault: the way forward, Attorney General’s Department of NSW, December 2005 The University of Sydney, Playing By The Rules Project: Summary (2004) commissioned by the National Rugby League Other useful online resources: "Tips for Good Sex" Workshop - These notes are for Dr Michael Flood's workshop aimed at young people aged e.g. 14-18, addressing issues related to pleasure, safety and consent. About date rape - This site has been set up by the NSW Attorney-General's Department Crime Prevention Division to provide information and resources about date rape to girls who may have been assaulted, their friends and family. Sexual ethics - This site relates to a joint research & education project of the University of Western Sydney and the NSW Rape Crisis Centre on promoting ethical non-violent relationships of young women and men. I stay safe - This website has been designed specifically for young people aged 13-17 years as a resource with information for studies as well as to help make healthy choices that will affect everyday life experiences. |